For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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