No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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