look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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