i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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