i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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