I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
