Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
