You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
