new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
