I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
