pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
