I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
