i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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