I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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