I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
