ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
