hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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