The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
