1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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