i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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