i jhust puked up my retainher.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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