he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
