Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
