Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Im part way to drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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