All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
last night I used snow as a chaser
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
