yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
