i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Randomize
