I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
