I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
