So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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