No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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