I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
