I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I want to be your penis for a week.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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