I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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