So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need to calm my uterus...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
