we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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