I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
