Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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