I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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