Can i not drive my cunt home
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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