The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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