My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
