When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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