Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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