You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
