he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
