Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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