Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
