Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
