I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You work out of a Hotel?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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