At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
