Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
