apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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